Something Resembling Lemonade

I’ve been away from the virtual world for the last couple of weeks.

The first reason for this is that I had already achieved my blogging goals for October. The second is that I was — and I’m embarrassed to admit this — a bit overwhelmed with this whole blogging thing.

In September, I started to take my blog more seriously because I’m aiming to grow it and make it become my side hustle. For a month and a half, I’ve been working very hard. This is why I’ve been having a good run, I think. For instance, I almost tripled my Twitter followers.

To my surprise, I’ve reached almost all the goals that I had set for October. (One of them was to publish at least 6 posts.) I’d even say that I’ve surpassed myself: This month I made my first affiliate sell ever and received my first Google Adsense payment.

I should be jumping for joy, shouldn’t I? Well, nothing could be further from the truth…

At first, I was exultant because I had just realized that, YES, you can actually make money with your blog. But then…

Last week was terrible for me. I had planned to do lots of blogging related things, but life got in the way and I finally didn’t do absolutely anything that I had planned. This obviously led me to frustration.

Then on Friday, I got sick. I sat down to write a bit, but I couldn’t publish any of my half complete posts. I wanted to do more — no matter what, — but I just couldn’t. I was down, apathetic and didn’t feel like anything, really — the illness, having to spend the whole day at home, the cold outside…

So I spent all weekend doing things that don’t require much thinking, like cleaning the house, dying my hair or watching TV series for hours. I wanted to rest to be 100% on Monday.

On Saturday, I finished watching the fourth season of Game of Thrones — which was VERY intense — and that night, when I went to bed, I started crying.

I’m an introvert who suffers from borderline personality disorder. For that reason, I’m highly sensitive and I easily pick up on the emotions of others. I know it’s just a damn series, but I put myself in the shoes of the characters and I’m usually very affected by what happens to them. “We should take a rest from GoT,” David told me. And I agreed with him.

This is the first time I ever write about my condition on this blog. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it, but I never wanted my blog to be focused on it — and it won’t be. But I know some real-life people who read me who don’t know about it yet — and we all know that mental health is still a taboo in our society.

Anyway, I won’t describe here the symptoms of BPD. Hopefully, one day I’ll publish a detailed post on this mental illness. The only thing I’ll tell you now is that during these two weeks, it has ruined all my plans for my blog.

So no Game of Thrones for a few days, we agreed.

And then last night I started watching another TV series called This Is Us. I liked the pilot episode very much. What impressed me the most was a quote from one of the characters. He was telling this to another man who was undergoing a difficult experience:

“You took the sourest lemon life has to offer and turned it into something resembling lemonade.”

Dr. Nathan Katowski (This Is Us)

We have all had bad experiences in life. And although some may seem more terrible than others, the truth is that there’s no way to measure pain. So we can’t compare our pain with someone else’s and state that ours is worse than the pain of others.

So what’s the point of all this rambling?

You know, life has given me many sour lemons, some more sour than others: a chronic mental illness, losing my father, wasting my twenties,… At first, I used to feel self-pity, but I’ve learned a lot so far and now I’ve become a more positive person.

Frustration, extreme emotional swings, feeling of emptiness, nothing feeling truly satisfying,… I have to live with all this — and more. All these things interfere in my daily life.

So what have I done in life that resembles lemonade? Well, I decided to create a blog to write, which has always been my passion. And I decided that this blog would be something meaningful, for me and for others. This is my lemonade.

But, you know, I think it’s okay to stop from time to time to take a break, especially knowing that I’m on the right track.

Happy Halloween guys, and thanks for reading!